I would thank you for your continued support for 27 years of my life. You have filled a role that I thought I needed. While your nicotine is amazing, you come with too much baggage. Your bags are filled with all sorta of unnecessary drama. I don’t need all this extra drama.
Nicotine, I’ve loved you for a long time, but times change. I sick of your shit. I’m sick of you filling my life with gross. I’m sick of smelling smokey, of not tasting food the way God meant it to taste. I’m sick of you living in my mouth and lungs. I’m sick of your cough. I’m sick of sounding like a growling monster trying to bark.
We had some fun times, don’t get me wrong. You were my imaginary friend. You were my best friend. You were always there for me. I put up with your shit for years.
I’ve finally realized that you continued friendship is no longer feasible. I need some fresh air, I need to be able to breath. Your friendship is suffocating me.
So, I guess what I’m saying Nicotine. I’m saying “I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I’m no longer going to hang out with you. I’m not going to let you poison me or my family or my dog. I’m done, you are fired. I need you to pack your bags and leave. I’m getting a restraining order against you. You can no longer come around.
Hit the road jack and don’t come back. You are not allowed to visit. I love you too much. You are too powerful and you are a fake friend.
I’m going to make new friends, real friends. Friends like exercise and fresh air. I love myself too much to allow our relationship to continue.